I've been doing a fair bit of contemplating lately about my life as a stay-at-home-mom (SAHM). I am so grateful for the opportunity, but I've realized that I haven't been taking my self seriously. That is, that when I would think of the role SAHM, my mind would picture the idealized version that we see in the media (movies & cleaning product ads) and I projected that image onto other mothers and assumed that I was the only mother who didn't clean my bathroom every other day, for example. I felt vaguely guilty when people complimented me for being able to do certain thing, because they said I must be so busy with two children now. Guilty because I don't feel busy. I realize the reason that I don't feel busy is because I'm not spending my days working.I'm starting to see now that part of being a SAHM is the time spent playing with my children, walking with them or just hanging out talking, reading, whatever. That is being a parent as much as having a clean house or a nice dinner. This is what I've been doing, I just have started giving myself credit. I didn't understand how I could be tired at the end of the day. I know from experience in customer service that just being available to people all day, answering questions in a pleasant and thoughtful way is draining and really parenting is the same sort of work. And the only way to see the result of that work that I do every day is not whether the laundry is folded, it is to see how the children are growing and learning. (hard to put into words without resorting to cliches).
3 comments:
I think you did a beautiful job of putting it into words, Carabeth. Sometimes I have to remind myself that I didn't leave academia to clean the house (unfortunately, no one who sees my house feels the need to remind me of that fact!), but to be with my children. Thank you for reminding me.
Carabeth, you wrote such a lovely, thoughtful post. I agree with Anamaria, you did a great job of putting it into words. The thing about parenting (and being a SAHM) that I'm most aware of right now is that you're saving your energy for your children. You're not spending it at work, coming home exhausted and unable to interact with them or even just be nice to them. (I say "you" because I'm not at home yet, and am keenly aware of the sacrifices that Max is having to make because of that, even though we do try to minimize its impact on him. But soon I'll be able to say "we".)
I liked your point about customer service. I've never done that type of job, but I find being Max's customer service representative to be exhausting at times, so I'm glad to hear that it's not just me.
My hats off to any stay at home Mom. Personally I always found going to work was a break cause you get "breaks". Seriously though, kids need us, the day to day interactions are were all the learning taking place. You are guiding, teaching and gently shaping these beautiful children every time you stop to engage with them. Love you lots Carabeth!!.....
Jonina and Jessie XOXO
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