I've been thinking about how to modify my ecpectations lately. I've been getting frustrated and angry with the children very easily lately, and I've been trying to see how I could change something in myself so that I could not be so reactive, could respond in a lighter, more productive way than I have been. I had heard that anger is a reaction to unmet expectations; that is, I may somehow expect that Burke will happily eat his dinner, and so when he doesn't, (frequently the case), my expectations are not met and I get angry. I actually frequently use the word 'expect' with the children, rather than the less meaningful 'need'. "I expect you to put your toys away" rather than "I need you to put your toys away" or "You need to put your toys away". 'Expect' seems to demand more results than 'I would like you to...'.
One night last week I was half-watching some comedian, and I thought about humour, and laughter, (and how some parenting advice is to deal with your children with humour), and I realized that in a way humour is about unmet expectations too. A good punchline, or a funny situation is usually because it was unexpected. The comedian is telling a story, and you get to the end and schwoop, they throw in something that you would never have thought of. Situations in every day life can also be like that; (the only examples I can think of are fart situations...) (ok, really I can't think of anything else right now, but watch when you laugh, it's often at the unexpected).
So, now, the big experiment, meditation, work is; can I use the one to help me lighten up in my parenting. I don't think I want to be the parent always clowning around with and cajoling my children, but lately I know I could lighten up my expectation. Still have them, but realize that somehow it's sometimes ok, (or maybe even funny) if they don't get met. I don't know how this all will work yet, I'm still mulling it over.
(oh, and the picture has nothing to do with the post, I just like pictueres in blog posts. This is a new craft I've allowed myself to start.)
2 comments:
Brilliant picture :) Humour is a very good way to deal with unmet expectations,I hope it works for you!
Hi, Thanks for following my blog, I have a star just like yours on my window, it is summer in New Zealand now, and it is like having a permanent rainbow shining in the house. Some ideas that worked for me, when my children were young were.A good thing is to "catch the children when there are good" say things like, "how nice you are playing together, or thanks for helping out" all children want to do is to make Mother smile,if you count to 3 and breathe out, and drop your shoulders,this releases tension, and say to yourself "all is well" these things worked well for me. Your children are delightful."Happy days " cheers Marie
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